We all have our divorce stories. We have all experienced divorce which sits firmly at the top of the stress continuum.
I got married at the age of 27 after a whirlwind romance with my brother’s friend. We got together at a friend’s wedding. He lived in Australia and I lived in Auckland. He went back to Sydney and said that if we were going to be together I needed to move to Australia. So within 2 weeks I quit my job in Wellington and I found myself living in Sydney in an apartment with him and my brother. We both were employees and decided that we didn’t want to work for anyone else so after a year or so of working for a legal publishing company I quit my job, as did he, and we became poor entrepreneurs.
Fast forward another year and we got married in Akaroa, just out of Christchurch where my parents lived. 170 people attended our wedding. No expense was spared. We didn’t have a honeymoon as we had launched a new business in Sydney at the time. It was tough we had no money, worked 7 days a week and lived above an old hardware shop.
Three years later we sold our successful business which had 200 employees at that stage to a competitor and moved back to NZ. By this time I was pregnant with the second of our four children. I had four children within six and a half years. I had known for years the relationship was not working and was having a detrimental effect on our four children as well as ourselves. We were just too different in terms of personalities. I was loud, outgoing, effervescent and loved people. He was quiet, reserved and liked having lots of time on his own – he was a loner. We argued continually and I just felt so unhappy. I could never be what he wanted me to be – to do as I was told and to sit in my little box. I tried to strive to be perfect but one day realised perfection didn’t exist. He wouldn’t come to counselling with me initially but finally did when it was too late. It takes two to tango and I had my faults too.
After nearly 14 years of marriage one day I just snapped and said “I can’t do this anymore” and told him I wanted a divorce. I felt like I had failed as a wife and a mother. It was my fault that I had split up the family. I knew deep down the bad marriage we had was affecting our children negatively. I find myself writing my story six years later. It was a high conflict divorce and cost me thousands of dollars to get a settlement after 5 years of fighting. The emotional toll was massive. The children, who now live with me fulltime are resilient and strong. It’s been one hell of a ride over the last few years as my 16 year three years ago had a random virus nearly died and had to have a heart transplant. Nothing compares to facing the mortality of your own child – nothing, not even the worst high conflict divorce.
Life is so much better now. I have my identity and my purpose back. I am a butterfly that is soaring. Call me mighty. Call me robust. I can face any challenge that comes my way. I have 4 happy children and a successful growing business. Lots of wonderful friends and one day I hope to meet someone special to share my life with. It’s not easy being Mum and Dad to 4 kids but it works. We have a close bonding and work together through any challenges we have as a family. Time does heal the trauma of a difficult break up. I really hope my ex has found peace now. We have both moved on and have new lives. If you are not happy do something about it (however painful that may be) as life is too short to have regrets. You deserve the best life possible as let’s face it we only have one!
Going through divorce is NOT very easy. It takes a toll on all our lives, especially when we have children. There are so many people who do NOT know what to expect from the process of divorce/separation. “Sharing your story” will help! Every divorce story is different. Every problem is different. Every situation is different and every solution is different. It is important for people who’ll be going through divorce to know what to expect and how to move forward. So, we’re NOW taking the next step to voice this out!
This may help you or someone you know handle things easily. This may help someone to get courage to go through the process. This may help someone to understand that they aren’t alone. This may help someone to get out of their comfort zone. This may help someone to learn new things. This may help someone to love themselves back and start a new life. So, please share your divorce stories – the sad moments, the surprises, and even the spots of levity. Let’s help other people so they don’t have to go through the difficult path. Let’s join hands and help others!
We understand that your divorce story is private. We understand that you may not even want to think about it. But, your story may help someone.
You may email your divorce story to firstname.lastname@example.org, and the story will be shared to our community anonymously. We value your privacy. No names, photos will be shared with our community if you don’t want to.
If you’d like to me talk to me about any issues you face in divorce, Please book a FREE 15 minute call with Bridgette!